Melancholy Musings

Today I have been reflecting on the protean nature of relationships. It only makes sense that even those that endure change over time, as people are the basis of relationships and people are nothing if not creatures subject to change. Experiences shape opinions and convictions; those that are shared may shape both parties together, or may shape them individually in very different ways. Experiences that are not shared make maintenance of the relationship all the more challenging, as relationships are built on commonalities. It is difficult to forge or save a relationship with someone with whom we share nothing in common, from favorite breakfast cereals to political leanings.

But perhaps not all relationships are meant to endure indefinitely. People we were friends with in high school can seem immature, ignorant, or downright weird after college (believe me, I've experienced this firsthand). Perhaps some are meant to come into our lives only for a season, to influence us then and there and then move on (I've also experienced this firsthand).

But above all other relationships, those we share with the people to whom we are related are perhaps the most complex and confusing. The convenience of friends is that when we discover that we no longer share anything in common, we can in essence say, "Well, it's been nice knowing you!" and walk away; that is not the case with family. Whether we want to our not, unless we're adopted, we will always have the commonality of blood. And because you will always have a relationship with these people, they are arguably the most difficult to get along with, for you simply cannot bid them adieu, even if you have nothing but your blood in common.

So what is to be done? How do you have a relationship with someone with whom you share nothing but common blood? I for one am not a fan of the sort of relationships where your conversation never progresses past the superficial questions we ask ourselves at work parties and neighborhood receptions, i.e. "How's school? What does your husband do? How are your kids/dogs/plants/in-laws/knees? What are you up to these days?" Unfortunately, in my case at least, I feel that many of my relationships with those to whom I am related are relegated to this banal level of superficiality, for we often share nothing else in common whatsoever. I am caught between a rock and a hard place: I cannot simply write them off, as I could someone not related to me, but at the same time, a deeper-level relationship seems all but impossible with them as we have no common interests or experiences.

This, I suppose, evidences the ever-changing nature of our relationships, even the ones that should endure. I will continue to strive for a happy medium; however, it seems there's more strife than striving sometimes.